Today, Mark and I were supposed to travel to Park Falls to visit Mom and Dad. Unfortunately, the winter weather has kept us from being able to do that. We attempted to travel early this morning only to get caught in a blinding snowstorm that reduced all visability. It took us 1 hour to get from Wausau to Merrill and at that point, I asked Mark to turn around and head back to the safety of our home. It seems as if every time we need to travel, Mother Nature and Old Man Winter have other plans for us. So, here I sit, with a very heavy heart due to not getting to see Mom and Dad. It has been 2 weeks since I was there. Hopefully, by next weekend the bitter cold and snow will break so we can have a couple good travel days so we can spend time with them.
Well, the holidays are now over. For us, Christmas and New Year's were a complete emotional rollercoaster. Mom was released from Aspirus Hospital on December 17 only to be admitted to the ICU in Park Falls on December 19 where she remained until December 23 when she was able to be moved from ICU to the normal floor of the hospital and remained there until December 30. Mark and
I were able to spend the first weekend in Park Falls while Mom was in ICU and then returned to Park Falls on December 22 to spend Christmas there. Christmas Eve our family gathered with Mom at the hospital and were enjoying taking pictures and catching up with everyone, but the joy was short lived when literally all hell broke loose. We were told by the doctor on call that Mom would not make it through the evening due to a drastic change in her condition. As you can imagine, getting that kind of news when you least expect it hits you on so many levels. I was under the impression that the worst part was over since she had been moved out of ICU the day before. I'm learning, with this medical condition, don't ever take the "here and now" for granted.
I were able to spend the first weekend in Park Falls while Mom was in ICU and then returned to Park Falls on December 22 to spend Christmas there. Christmas Eve our family gathered with Mom at the hospital and were enjoying taking pictures and catching up with everyone, but the joy was short lived when literally all hell broke loose. We were told by the doctor on call that Mom would not make it through the evening due to a drastic change in her condition. As you can imagine, getting that kind of news when you least expect it hits you on so many levels. I was under the impression that the worst part was over since she had been moved out of ICU the day before. I'm learning, with this medical condition, don't ever take the "here and now" for granted. 
With the change in Mom's medical condition, my brother, Roger, made plans to drive to Park Falls from Florida, however he ended up being stuck in Wausau due to the freezing rain and physically could not drive anymore. Thankfully, Uncle Jim drove Mark to Wausau so he could drive my brother and his truck to Park Falls. They arrived at the hospital at 11:45 p.m., (the longest 4 hours and 15 minutes of my life). While this was happening, the decision was made to stop all treatments and only give Mom morphine and oxygen (she was on 8 liters and went from a nasal cannula to a full mask -- which she did not like). Mom was relaxed but she was continually looking at the clock and asking us where Mark and Roger were. In our minds, she was holding on for as long as she could to say goodbye to her son. The Pastor from my mom and dad's church came and did a final prayer with our family. Tearfully, we waited......
Fast forward to Christmas Day and Mom made it through the night. Things were not looking good, but in all of our minds, SHE MADE IT!!! Now for the best part. At 5:00 p.m
., Mom had a brand new nurse start caring for her. I like to refer to her as Mom's Christmas Angel. Her name was Linda. Linda told my brother, Dad, Mark and me to go get something to eat in the Cafeteria and that she would take care of Mom for us so we could take a break. Dad didn't want to leave Mom's room so Linda had a care tray brought to Mom's room for him and Mom's tray of liquids (she is unable to eat solids anymore). Up until this point, Mom had not been able to drink her liquids. So, Mark, Roger and I went to the cafeteria and had our Christmas meal. About 30 minutes later, we were headed back to Mom's room. It was at that point, I believe we witnessed a Christmas miracle! When we entered Mom's room, she was sitting at the edge of her bed, drinking her strawberry Ensure through a straw with her Christmas Angel, Linda right beside her. I stood in the doorway with goosebumps all over my body wanted to cry. It was at that point that Dad said, "I think we've all just witnessed a miracle." Yes, Dad, indeed we had. Linda said all she did was ask Mom if she wanted to try to sit at the edge of her bed with her and try to drink some nice cold water, Mom said, "yes" and the next thing we knew it, she drank her Ensure, her juice and her entire glass of water. When I asked Linda later that night how this could have happened, all she replied was "a person's will is stronger than anyone can imagine if given the opportunity to come back." Our family owes so much to Linda, Mom's Christmas Angel.
., Mom had a brand new nurse start caring for her. I like to refer to her as Mom's Christmas Angel. Her name was Linda. Linda told my brother, Dad, Mark and me to go get something to eat in the Cafeteria and that she would take care of Mom for us so we could take a break. Dad didn't want to leave Mom's room so Linda had a care tray brought to Mom's room for him and Mom's tray of liquids (she is unable to eat solids anymore). Up until this point, Mom had not been able to drink her liquids. So, Mark, Roger and I went to the cafeteria and had our Christmas meal. About 30 minutes later, we were headed back to Mom's room. It was at that point, I believe we witnessed a Christmas miracle! When we entered Mom's room, she was sitting at the edge of her bed, drinking her strawberry Ensure through a straw with her Christmas Angel, Linda right beside her. I stood in the doorway with goosebumps all over my body wanted to cry. It was at that point that Dad said, "I think we've all just witnessed a miracle." Yes, Dad, indeed we had. Linda said all she did was ask Mom if she wanted to try to sit at the edge of her bed with her and try to drink some nice cold water, Mom said, "yes" and the next thing we knew it, she drank her Ensure, her juice and her entire glass of water. When I asked Linda later that night how this could have happened, all she replied was "a person's will is stronger than anyone can imagine if given the opportunity to come back." Our family owes so much to Linda, Mom's Christmas Angel.Mom has done extremely well since the night of Christmas Eve. She was transferred to Park Manor nursing home on December 30 so she can receive 24 hour care, and this time has agreed with the decision and has adjusted to her new surroundings as best as she can. Her room is very nice and is complete with a bird feeder right outside her window so she can enjoy the little birds each day. For now, I continue to pray that our family will be blessed with yet another miracle for Mom like we received on Christmas Day, and until that happens, I am at peace when I cannot be with her knowing that she is in good hands and is getting the best medical attention she requires to keep her comfortable and give her the best quality of life she can have until all of our prayers are answered.
As for Mark and me, we're doing as best as we can. So many people have asked us how we can even function given all the devastation and sadness we've had over the past few weeks with Mom and the pregnancy loss and at first, I didn't know how I was going to get through it, that was until the last day that I got to see Mom before having to come back home to Wausau. She and I were talking about stuff and I told her that I was so mad at God for doing this to her and for Him taking our babies away and it was then that she replied "Kare, God does not punish. Even good people have to go through bad things and it is through those bad things He is teaching us something and we can either learn something good from which will bring us closer to Him or we can choose to be mad and angry and fall away from Him." Then she said, "Kare, please don't choose to be mad and angry." I went to bed that night thinking about what she said to me and awoke the next day with a different approach to my feelings.
I am choosing to believe that God took my babies from me so that they can be in heaven waiting for their Grandma for when God decides it is time to take Mom home to Him and they will be her guardian angels in Heaven. I am also choosing to believe that Mom having cancer is teaching me what is important in my life. I realized that I had becomed so wrapped up in the things that truly don't matter and now, it is so clear to me that if all of those "things" were stripped away from me, the only thing that matters is my family. For the first time in a long time, I am appreciating life and not just going through the motions. Am I still angry and mad that I had to lose my babies and that my mom is dying of cancer, absolutely. But, I am choosing to learn something good from these horrible, sad things.
In closing, I want to share something from the hospital that I will forever remember from my Mom. During one of the many afternoons that my brother and I were sitting in Mom's hospital room, we were talking about some of the financial things we needed to handle yet for Mom and Dad before he went back to Florida and I had to go back to Wausau. Mom was dozing in and out of sleep and it had been a while since Mom had said anything so we were talking quietly not to wake her. When Roger said "Kare, you know, you and I put together are only half as good as Mom when it comes to the finances" to which my "sleeping mother" (with her index finger shaking at both of us in the air and her eyes yet closed) said, "yes, and only half as good." Ah, and there it was, that loving, caring, comedian I have grown to love and admire so much.
To everyone who reads our blog, thank you yet again for all your prayers. I do believe that they are paying off. From Mark and I we hope that you and your family had a blessed Christmas and New Year and that you and your family experienced your own form of Christmas miracle this year!
